There is nothing that stings a foster momma's heart more
than hearing the words….
'I COULD NEVER DO FOSTER CARE,
I WOULD GET TOO ATTACHED.'
I know this phrase is used in a sincere way, but as we are already in the business
of getting our hearts broken with good-byes, we don't need our hearts broken
from a comment that eludes that we, as foster parents, don't get attached.
So instead of chastising the comment, I'm here to offer alternatives to that comment.
How about using the following phrases instead to a foster mom:
'I could never do foster care,
I'm afraid I wouldn't be brave enough
for the good-bye that would eventually come.'
'I could never do foster care because
I don't think I could recover from
the pain that would come with the
attachment and the goodbye.'
'I don't think I would ever have the courage
to do what you are doing.'
These sentiments state truth and also acknowledge
the special and often times painful journey of a foster family.
I had a lady the other day on the phone tell me
that she just didn't think she could do foster care because
her heart would be ripped from her chest every time
she had to say goodbye to the child.
Through tears, I tried telling her
that my heart has been ripped out of my chest already a few times,
most recently two days ago when I had to watch two little girls
that could have easily been part of our family
move to another foster family for long-term placement.
I could hardly get the words out because my heart
was still breaking from that most recent good-bye.
Foster care does take a leap of faith.
It requires bravery and courage and a willingness
to have our hearts broken into a million pieces.
Ripped out of our chest.
Time and time again.
But the journey is so worth it.
The service of love provided for however length of time…
The lessons our families learn about ourselves, sacrifice and service
are worth every minute of heartache that follows the goodbye.
And I will tell you…the recovery comes.
Some times quicker than other times.
But it comes.
The pain lessens. The heartbreak softens.
I believe this is through our savior Jesus Christ that this
pain is healed. That my heart is pieced back together.
And then are prepared and strengthened
to do it all over again.
Because these children deserve this love. This chance to be loved.
To be comforted. To be safe. To be fed, hugged and loved.
And as foster families, we are all ready to pray that you can find that
bravery, that courage, that peace in knowing the pain is worth it.
And we ask that you pray for us for the same.
And be kind to our hearts by using the alternates above instead of saying….
'I'd get too attached.'
And dare I say, if you think you will get too attached
then you are exactly who these children need
if the timing is right for you or your family.