For two weeks now I have been feeling so guilty.
I judged. Someone.
Gives me a pit in my stomach just writing it out.
Not because I think I don't do it
but because I allowed myself to do it.
I usually try really hard to not pass judgment.
I'm a firm believer that we have no idea what life someone
is living behind closed doors.
Yet, I still found myself judging someone.
I gave this family a few chances to be friendly.
An introduction that was met curtly.
No small talk.
Barely a hello at my doorstep.
Just wondering if their son was at our house.
He needed to come home now.
Children playing outside in the rain.
In everyone's yards.
Seemed like no supervision.
Although I send Blake out to play and watch from my window
and he plays all over the court.
Instead of peaking out my window and wondering what
difficulties they might be fighting
I ashamedly thought unfriendly and odd.
Then a friend shared with me that this family is going through
huge struggles right now.
An illness in the family that no one would wish for.
My stomach flipped. Turned.
How dare I judged.
I walked into my house with tears welled up in my eyes.
A lost moment of an introduction with cookies at their doorstep a few months ago.
A wave and smile as I drove by.
How I want to offer dinner now, but I don't know them.
They don't know me.
I want to re-do so many things.
The kids are just trying to be kids during a difficult time.
This past week I have watched them play and offered a prayer for them.
Welcomed them into my yard to do cartwheels on my flat area of grass.
And plead for forgiveness from a loving Heavenly Father.
Today I was able to wave and offer a 'have a nice bike ride.'
How I wanted to share so much more.
Be so much more for them.
Hopefully I will have the opportunity to approach and chat as the weather warms up.
And hopefully I will remember this lesson that I have learned.
Smile. Offer a helping hand. Invite. Welcome.
Things that I can do now.
Things I should have been doing all along.
My prayers have been fervent for this family.
My prayers have also been sincere in hoping for receiving forgiveness.
I believe in Christ.
I believe in his atonement and am grateful for it.
I pray that I might be more Christlike.
Slower to judge.
And that this guilt might be replaced with opportunities.