For two weeks now I have been feeling so guilty.
I judged. Someone.
Gives me a pit in my stomach just writing it out.
Not because I think I don't do it
but because I allowed myself to do it.
I usually try really hard to not pass judgment.
I'm a firm believer that we have no idea what life someone
is living behind closed doors.
Yet, I still found myself judging someone.
I gave this family a few chances to be friendly.
An introduction that was met curtly.
No small talk.
Barely a hello at my doorstep.
Just wondering if their son was at our house.
He needed to come home now.
Children playing outside in the rain.
In everyone's yards.
Seemed like no supervision.
Although I send Blake out to play and watch from my window
and he plays all over the court.
Instead of peaking out my window and wondering what
difficulties they might be fighting
I ashamedly thought unfriendly and odd.
Then a friend shared with me that this family is going through
huge struggles right now.
An illness in the family that no one would wish for.
My stomach flipped. Turned.
How dare I judged.
I walked into my house with tears welled up in my eyes.
A lost moment of an introduction with cookies at their doorstep a few months ago.
A wave and smile as I drove by.
How I want to offer dinner now, but I don't know them.
They don't know me.
I want to re-do so many things.
The kids are just trying to be kids during a difficult time.
This past week I have watched them play and offered a prayer for them.
Welcomed them into my yard to do cartwheels on my flat area of grass.
And plead for forgiveness from a loving Heavenly Father.
Today I was able to wave and offer a 'have a nice bike ride.'
How I wanted to share so much more.
Be so much more for them.
Hopefully I will have the opportunity to approach and chat as the weather warms up.
And hopefully I will remember this lesson that I have learned.
Smile. Offer a helping hand. Invite. Welcome.
Things that I can do now.
Things I should have been doing all along.
My prayers have been fervent for this family.
My prayers have also been sincere in hoping for receiving forgiveness.
I believe in Christ.
I believe in his atonement and am grateful for it.
I pray that I might be more Christlike.
Slower to judge.
And that this guilt might be replaced with opportunities.
I feel bad for you but am so encouraged by your post. It really feels like a call to action. I read the "we are that family" blog today and she was speaking about a very similar topic. Message received. Thanks so much for sharing. I just know The Lord will guide your next steps where this family is concerned.
ReplyDeleteI have judged people, too. And I know the guilt. But I am also regularly unjustly judged by others, so I can really empathize with those in that position. I am known to consistently rub people the wrong way before they get to know me. I am always trying to work on this, but I really welcome the people who extend mercy to me. Bless those people! And bless you, April. I like you. A lot. And after this post, I like you even more.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel bad for you, my dear! We are all human and in being human, we make mistakes. You feeling guilty just shows that you have a giant heart and want to be better. There's nothing wrong with that. You'll probably make mistakes again, we all do. But I do want to thank you for sharing this as a reminder that we must be better people. Thank you for your amazing example. You are strength and love personified. Have a wonderful day!!
ReplyDeleteApril, thank you so much for sharing! It's so easy to judge and then so easy to deny it or excuse it. Sharing this is going to help everyone that read your post. Because maybe the person we all judged recently is going through something or maybe they aren't. Either way it's not right. You have a huge heart. I'm excited for the future post. The one when you tell us about connecting with this family in the future and how much they blessed you and vice versa. xo! Sara
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