Hard Days.

On days that are already hard.
Incredibly busy.
Completely out of order.
Feeling like I could just crawl back into bed and not come out until tomorrow.
Or maybe even the end of the week.

On days like today....
stories like this break my heart
and make me finally break down and cry.

I was going to link to the story but decided
why make you all so sad.
It kills me when teens have babies and then kill them
because they didn't know what to do with them.

I hold these foster babies in my arms and can't even imagine
a person NOT wanting their child.
Or at the very least not wanting a better life for their children.
It crushes me to no end.

Lately, I feel like a whirlwind.
I feel like people probably don't want to hang out with me
because my life feels so much like it is spinning.
I feel like after people chat with me
they are left feeling exhausted.
I feel so badly about that.
I want it to be different.
I want to be the calm in the middle of the storm.
In the middle of remodeling.
Raising our own children.
Raising another family's children.
Managing a construction business
and wishing I had more time to do something more with
my creative side and business.

I need to fill my well.
We need to fill our well.
Dave and I have not been alone since before we got the babies.
And if we were....I can't remember.
But I'm pretty sure we haven't gotten away
or really escaped for over a year.
I've been dreaming of some alone time.
Simple alone time even.
It doesn't have to be Hawaii.
I mean that would be nice
but probably not going to happen.

*  *  *  *  * 

And then, while writing this post, at 7:00 pm, the phone rings and Dave calls
and says...He is on his way home from work.

And all is well!
He is my well and I need more of him.


  1. I love honest posts. Not that your posts aren't honest usually, but blog world can feel so perfect and comparison can be rampant. When "normal" and "hard" is shared, we can all relate.

    Get some respites for 24 hours. If I were there and certified in CA, I'd do it in a heartbeat!

    Thank you April.

  2. I can relate to this so much right now...life is so full and busy and there isn't enough time to relax. My hubby and I haven't had time just the two of us in a long time either. Our anniversary is coming up and I'm desperate for us to have a little getaway, even if it is just a few hours. I hope you two can find some time soon too!

  3. Hang in there. You will make it and things will work out.

  4. Oh friend...I feel your pain. We are experiencing a little bit of this now that we have baby boy. The hubby and I are learning that there is a depth of love, concern, heartache and worry that we never knew until we became foster parents.

    You guys are the sweetest and most amazing family...hang in there and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers!


  5. It's been a rough couple of months for us too.....between multiple family/friend medical scares and me being 9 months pregnant with baby #3, I almost forgot it's our 12 year wedding anniversary this weekend. Oy. Hang in there. You are truly an inspiration!!! XOXO.

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  7. Did you just read my mind? I'm having THAT day! Miss you April...come back once things calm down!!! XO, Jess


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