Are You Going to Adopt?

It used to be the most asked question we got about being a foster care family was....

'How are you going to say goodbye?'

To which I would respond....

'I'm not sure, but I expect it will be one of the hardest things we have to do.'

I joke that I might need counseling. 

OK... maybe not joking.

I was talking to another foster mom a month or so ago. 

They had a little girl from the time she was 8 months old until she was 2 years old. 

That's 16 months she lived as part of their family.

 She told me the little girl had recently returned home to live with her dad and grandma. 

The birth father called the foster mom a few times since the little girl returned home.

 During the last phone call, while the foster mom was trying to talk to the little girl who didn't quite understand a telephone yet, she heard the grandma tell the little girl that the woman on the phone was the mommy the little girl cried for each evening.

 It broke our hearts.

I wanted to burst out crying right there standing in that public place.

All of a sudden the words 'foster care' stung just a bit.

Heartache was added. 

A new feeling for me now associated with fostering love.

Before it had only been rainbows and unicorns.

I crawled into bed that evening and had my worst nightmare to date.

I dreamt that CPS called our home 

and told us the babies would be returning home in 2 days.

I screamed. I cried. I begged for more time. In my dream I was a complete mess.

I was worried about transition. For both of us. The babies and our family.

Worried how we would live without them in our home.

I woke from that dream completely knowing how saying goodbye is going to feel.

The babies have been in our home for almost 10 months.

And, 10 months with these two sweet babies in our home

 often brings a new most asked question.

Are you going to adopt them?

It is a question that people often hesitate when asking.

And, I always hesitate when answering.

Because the answer is....we don't know yet.

For many different reasons.

Some are personal. Very personal.

Some are logistics. The case is a difficult one.

We are not even sure they will be available to adopt.

They just might return home to one or both of their parents.

Honestly, part of me hopes they can return home 

so I don't have to answer that question in my heart.

Because we are so so torn.

We love these two children.

LOVE.

And they will ALWAYS hold a special place in our hearts.

In my momma heart.

I am their mommy....for now.

But they will be my children {in my heart} FOREVER.

If we choose to adopt both, if that becomes an option,

our home will be filled to the brim.

Bursting at the seams.

We will no longer be able to be foster parents.

Which is what we feel we want to do most.

We signed up for foster care.

Not foster to adopt.

But 10 months. 

10 months of these babies in our home.

Becoming part of our family.

With 6-8 more months realistically to go.

6-8 more months of them weaving their way deeper into our hearts.

If that is even possible.

The realization is that we could easily be a family of six.

But I'm not sure that is what the Lord has planned for us.

Maybe we are suppose to be a family of twenty-six...over time.

So the only way I know how to deal with this situation....

with the question of 'Are you going to adopt?' is to take one day at a time.

Enjoying their sweet spirits in our home.

Enjoying the opportunity to be their foster family.

And giving them Love.

Because just like the print above Little Mister's head in the picture at the top says....

All You Need is LOVE.

And we can do that!

We don't have to answer the hard questions right now.