I Can't/Don't Do it All.....

Why I'm not attending SNAP Conference and the Queen Bee Market at the last minute.

I often get asked....how do you do it all?

Well sometimes....most times I don't.

I DON'T clean my own house.

I DON'T cook regularly.

I DON'T make my kids' or husband's lunches.

I DO keep up with laundry though.

Does that make up for the other three?

We have a crazy next three weeks ahead of us.

Next week starts all kinds of doctors appointments

followed by two surgeries the following two weeks.

Little Miss is scheduled for the beginning of May

and Blake's bowel surgery is scheduled for May 14th

with us entering the hospital the Friday before {May 11th} to start 

a weekend clean-out as inpatient. 

My life was feeling like it was spinning out of control.

But I had something really fun to look forward to.

A blogging conference where I would re-connect with old friends

and meet and make a whole bunch of new friends.

Plus SNAP conference was hosting a Queen Bee Market

 that Dave and I were going to be participating in with both our booths.

Over the weekend my heart started pounding when I thought about our trip to Utah.

I had three new outfits and we had worked hard on some really fun

new items to debut in our booths at the market.

I had new coral shoes and also a bright new pair of skinny jeans to rock!

But my heart wasn't pounding from excitement.

I knew my heart was pounding because I was trying to do something

I knew we weren't suppose to be doing.

Blake has been home from school now for 3 weeks.

We have our first psychiatrist appointment next week.

We have prayed and feel like this is the best next step for us with him.

His surgery is scheduled and he is feeling better about that but is even more clingy to me than before.

Getting him to school is not an option right now.

Especially since the school district initiated a 'hands off' policy for him

which means no one can help peel him off of me and keep him in a classroom.

We are anxious to meet with this new doctor and talk about options but for now he is receiving school instruction at home from a school teacher while on 'home hospital instruction.'

So next week, we have three doctor appointments.

Two with a psychiatrist and one out of town for a pre-op appointment for Little Miss.

If everything else going on in our life wasn't enough....

Little Miss' surgery has been squeezed in-between all of this.

The following week I will be at the hospital with Little Miss {out of town} for 5 days

then home for 5 days {hopefully} than back to another hospital that is out of town for Blake's surgery.

Something had to give in these next three weeks and the only option was not heading out of town

on the weekend before the crazy started.

BUT I had three new outfits and friends I NEEDED to hug.

I fought the feeling for two days. TWO miserable days.

I felt so bad about the idea of canceling on Mique and leaving her two booths short for QBM.

I finally called Dave on Monday morning and told him we needed to stay home....

to which he replied...'NO, I'm feeling good about it today.'

So I thought...OK...we can do this.

Then I thought what the next three days would be like trying to finish projects, pack and drive out of town

with three children staying home with my mom....one who on Sunday had a fever.

With the decision to go again, 

my chest tightened even more and I started to have my own panic attack.

Oh I could feel Blake's pain.

I knew we needed to stay home.

Our family needed some calm before the storm.

They needed us home to put our house in order.

To comfort. To organize. To plan. To have fun as a family.

So I called Dave again and said...we need to stay home.

To which this time he said...'OK, I totally trust you.'

I called Mique and cried telling her.

She got it and told me the best thing.

She said....'Five years from now you won't remember going to a conference or market but you will remember doing the right thing for your family.' I burst out crying when she said that...and thanked her.

She completely understood and left me feeling confident in my decision.

One person I was hoping to hug and hang out with at the conference was Char from Crap I've Made.

She said something once that is bringing me great comfort right now...

She said, 'I don't want to be remembered as a great blogger....I want to be remembered as a great MOTHER!'

So home we are this weekend.

And all the items I have been making for QBM will be available

now in my store sooner than later.

And I will try to stay off social media this weekend because all the 

SNAP chatter will kill me seeing friends reconnect and knowing I'm not there.

Did you know I bought my ticket for SNAP a whole year ago?

That is how excited I was to go.

But this feeling of knowing I'm doing the right thing for my family....

beats out any of that pain that I will feel not being there.

And that is what matters most!