The Birds + The Bees = Colliding

{image from neatoshop.com}

Kaia was in the 4th grade. Quickly approaching 5th. The grade where the first talkings about 'the birds + the bees' start to happen so when she started questioning where babies came from....we started talking real. I let her ask the questions and never answered more than what she asked. It was a three day process. Here is pretty much how the conversation went over the three days! Enjoy.

Day One in the car....

Kaia: Mom, I used to think that if a mommy and daddy 'thought' really hard together about having a baby that a mommy would get a baby in her tummy. But now I'm thinking that doesn't sound right. How does the baby get in there?

Me: Well you are right with one part of it. It does take a mommy and a daddy who love each other very much. Mommy and Daddy fit together like a puzzle sort of. It takes a sperm from the daddy and an egg from the mommy and then mommy gets pregnant. 

She was satisfied with that answer so I let it be....watching her mind work overtime.

Day Two in her room.....

Kaia: Mommy, how does that sperm get to the egg in the mommy? {I knew it was coming!} 

Me: Well remember how I told you that mommies and daddies fit together like a puzzle. God made us that way so we could make babies. Daddy puts his penis in mommy's vagina and that is how the sperm gets to the egg.

Kaia is immediately shocked and grossed out. She makes faces and almost looks like she is sorry for asking. Then I see the wheels start to spin again....deep in thought.

Kaia: So you guys have done that twice....right?

Me: {smiling...because I want to be honest} Well...no hunny. Mommies and daddies do that whenever they want to to show each other how much they love each other. It is a way for mommy and daddy to stay 'in love' and stay close and connected.

Now she is a bit horrified and I leave her in her room with one last thought...

Me: Kaia, remember sweetie, you can ask me anything...so don't be afraid if you have anymore questions.

I have always told Kaia this. I feel that if I don't tell her she can ask me anything without being embarrassed or afraid...then she will go to someone else or her friends...and I want to be the one to talk with her about these sensitive and special topics.

Day Three....early that morning in her bedroom.

Kaia: Mommy, I have one more question, but it is kind of a really personal question.

Me: I told you that you can ask me anything, Kaia. What is it?

Kaia: {a tad embarrassed}....umm...when was the last time you and daddy....ummm...{and then she interlocked her fingers together and made a wavy motion with her arms and hands and asked...} when was the last time you and daddy....Collided?

Me: {trying not to laugh at the motion and word Collided but still smiling} Well Kaia, that is a pretty personal question and I told you that you could ask me anything but that one is really personal....{and then as I turned to leave her room, I answered} Yesterday morning!

Kaia: ewww....gross....I thought you were going to say last year.

Me: Nope Mommy and Daddy love each other a LOT! 

And that is how Kaia learned about the Birds + the Bees. And, we now refer to sex as 'Colliding' regularly in our house. And when she came home from her first sex ed class in 5th grade I asked her if there were any surprises and she said, 'No. But, you did have one thing wrong, Mommy. Babies grow in a mother's uterus NOT in their tummies!' 

One more funny and one more serious thing that happened the following day.

It was Saturday morning, which usually meant our kids crawling into our bed and all of us laying in there laughing, giggling and rough housing a bit. Kaia and Blake came in. As Blake started to crawl into our bed, Kaia stopped dead in her tracks. All of a sudden our bed was not a place she wanted to be and she exclaimed quite loudly.....'Blake, I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Just saying!" And she chose to sit on the end of the bed while Dave and I laughed hysterically. 

And now for the serious. Dave had not been apart of our conversation and I didn't ever want this topic to be uncomfortable between the two of them in their daddy/daughter relationship. So on day 4 after Kaia had just crawled into bed, I nudged Dave to go down and have a little follow-up chat with her. He panicked....being not quite sure what to say to her and I told him to just say something like...I heard you and mommy talked about how babies are made...and see where she takes it.

He came out 30 minutes later and I asked what he talked about with her. As he told me, it made me tear up. He said he told her that a lot of boys will try to use the line that 'they love her' to try to have sex with her. That boys will tell her she is pretty and try to do anything to get her to go to bed with them BUT to make sure that she saves that special relationship for the man that she marries....after they are married. 

I was so proud of him to talk so openly with her and be so comfortable with her about the topic and to share his personal thoughts about the topic also with her. 

And now that I have written this story out on this blog....it will probably be how Blake finds out about the Birds + the Bees when he gets on our blog and starts reading without me realizing it!!

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  1. Thanks for sharing this. Teaching my kids about "the birds and the bees" is one of the things that terrifies me most about becoming a parent (no kids yet, but I'm already preparing). I want to be the one my kids come to with their questions.

    You brought it up so easy and naturally with Kaia. Thank you for showing me that it can be done.

    1. Thanks, Ashleigh! I think it happens naturally when you wait until they start asking the questions! Although I'm not sure Blake is ever going to ask. Good luck when your time comes. The puzzle part was key in letting it flow naturally and over time!

  2. You did a great job. Being open from the start and even being willing to tell her the last time you " collided" ( slay me!) shows such a wonderful mother daughter relationship. I really don't think that there is much other way that fulfills and honors or duty to our children than to be honest about sex and sexuality. As my daughter and sons have grown it has made everything so much easier to not have to back track and revise - so much better!

    Now mind you at this point they are more prone to bang on our wall and tell us to keep it down.. but that is another story :)


    1. aww...thanks! And hahaha...about banging on the wall. Kaia will crawl into our bed now but only if I tell her the sheets are clean!

      and maybe I need some new wall art for our house that says....'no colliding until you are married!' that would get some good conversation going. maybe embarrassing for our daughter but no more embarrassing than the picture my mom had on our family room wall of her giving birth to my brother...seriously crowning! haha

  3. This is spectacular. I love how straight forward you were with your answers but yet stuck some great moral lessons in there as well. I'm bookmarking this specific post when I have to talk to my daughter in many years. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Ahaha I love it! Kids are so cute sometimes!!!!!

  5. You did awesome! I think the thought of that day is a little scary to all of us, but I hope that I can be as mature about it as you were...and not just hand my kids a book like my mom did (she was doing her best, I know ;) Now to make sure that my little girl doesn't hear the word "sex" until she's at least 16...(she's 1 now :)

  6. I am honestly a little nervous how to handle all this! My kids are still little and satisfied with very easy answers. I love that you were able to explain it so simply and straight-forward. I hope I am able to do the same with my kids!

  7. Knowing this convo is coming in my house makes me SO nervous! I want to be straight-forward with my kids, but holy cow. Not sure I can make it through without giggling uncontrollably. :) Thanks for sharing though!


  8. I'm waiting to have that "puzzle piece" convo. Turner hasn't exactly asked yet, he's only 2nd grade. But I've seen his mind whirling. Ugh. I love your story and I would like to steal some or all of it if you don't mind! :)

  9. This is so funny! Best part..."It's the Uterus not the tummy!" - cute!

    We still have to have the talk. I'm scared... :)

  10. Love your open story - love your honesty and I will be remembering this for when my two daughters come to me.....I just hope I can do it. Well, I can do "it" because I have two daughters....but fess up....you know what I mean! ;)

  11. I'm glad you did that; my parents never actually sat down and had a conversation with us about sex and all that. I had to learn most of my "information" from a (very frank) Christian "radio" show about marriage and dating relationships. (It's actually online bc most radio stations won't host them...heaven forbid they actually talk about real problems today!) But it's important. Many teenagers get into stuff they don't understand because no one sat down and enlightened them to the dangers and problems that can come from premarital sex. I've seen it happen to my friends.


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