One Hour Stand-Off.

I just had a one hour stand-off with this cute boy while trying to drop him off at school. Yes, he's cute. Yes, he just got glasses for reading, classwork, TV and anywhere else he decides it makes his vision better. Yes, he melts my heart and actually we haven't had a morning like this is a long time.

I pulled up to school. We were running a bit late. I could feel from his temperament and knowing yesterday was a full day sensory wise for him, that our morning could not be rushed. He hesitantly jumped out of the car and when I started to pull away he ran back to my car and jumped back in before I had time to lock the doors! OK...I was kidding. I would never lock the doors...not when he is barely pulling it together. But we do lock Dave out of the car often, like at stores, and we howl inside the car with laughter thinking it is so funny, while he smirks and says 'Not funny.'

Blake this morning was barely keeping it together. I could tell that he wanted to go to school, but it was just one of those days that crying was easier than pulling it together. Heck, I feel that way sometimes. We chatted about choices and consequences. We chatted about CAN versus CAN'T. After 30 minutes of sitting in the car, he decided to go to class if I would walk him. I told him I wasn't playing any games. I know what he is capable of. Stalling. Having me walk him to class only to fall apart once we get to the door. We got to his classroom and the game playing started. Except, I wasn't in the mood to be played with. So I walked away. He followed and begged to go just sit in the office until he could pull himself together. I was at my breaking point. We walked into the office and I asked if Blake could sit here until he was ready to go into his classroom. He still had big red puffy eyes that had an occasional tear spilling over and was needing to blow his nose.

Our sweet secretary then said, "April, did you get my message? Terry, Blake's aid, is not here today." And then I burst into tears too. So there we were...both of us crying in the school office. I knew that one comment would set us back to uncontrollable crying on a day like today and actually blurted out...'I'll just take him home.' I didn't think he would be able to recover from that one.

But we did and in the end it was decided that I would come back to school twice today and do Blake's toilet needs. I still left him in the office trying to pull himself together to go to class. I'm not sure who won the 'game' today. I'm not sure it matters. It breaks my heart to see him trying so hard to do the right thing, when emotionally he is just spent.

While typing this post I just got a call from the school secretary. Blake is still sitting in the office an hour later. I'll be leaving now to pick him up. He won I guess.

But really does he win or does Spina Bifida win? Maybe when he gets home we will both just sit on the couch and have a good cry.

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  1. Sometimes we just need to have a melt down in order to keep going and move on...at least we do in our house. :)

  2. Oh April. You are one strong mama and I admire you. Snuggle your boy and love him today. Tomorrow will be better. Hang in there sweet lady.

  3. You both win..he has a mama that is there for him...I am a sped teacher and trust me...you are one in a hundred!~

  4. Sounds like such a rough day for both of you. Hope it gets better! *Hugs*

  5. A good cry never hurt anyone! Tomorrow will be a new day!!

  6. So sorry friend. :(

    it's so hard somedays.
    and so many more factors at play.
    which makes for a frazzled mama.
    which makes for a crazy day.
    pretty sure you guys need to order in pizza tonight.
    no cooking!!!

  7. i appreciate seeing your heart and the GREAT BIG LOVE you have for your family. especially on the hard days.

  8. i appreciate seeing your heart and the GREAT BIG LOVE you have for your family. especially on the hard days.

  9. Hang in there -- tomorrow is another day :)

  10. Oh I know how you feel! My sister is deaf but has cochlear implants and delayed in speech. Sometimes she has melt downs over the overload of speech she is being taught. When she is having an off day she takes her implants off so she is in her own little world. I can't blame her one bit! I hope Blake feels better tomorrow :)
    ~Molly P

  11. I think we all have those days, particularly when we have kids who need a little more. And the cries are good (and sometimes, tantrums happen - please come to my house, as my nearly-4 year old has crossed into being two), but what's better is the building of relationships and the stretching and growing. All of which you and Blake and your family do beautifully.

    Grow on. Stretch on. Tomorrow is a new day.


  12. A hard way to start the day but very normal and it's what makes you an amazing Mom....and Blake one amazing, special little boy.

  13. He is so cute!! You do sound amazing! And everyone needs a good cry now and again!

  14. You both win! Today was one of those days for us too..
    Yesterday was just TOO much for our boys to handle. Holidays should always fall on weekends in my book. Or at least with a day off to recover afterwards. The sun will come out tomorrow...

  15. I agree with everyone. A good cry, a melt down, a moment to say "it's not that important" today. With all these struggles, your life becomes exactly what it's supposed to, and you are being rewarded with things some of us will never experience. That's the great thing about life's difficulties. They somehow give back, despite all they take.

  16. You are such a great mother, and he is so blessed to have the kind of mother who will allow him to have a meltdown moment, and know that it's all going to be okay. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, April!

  17. Goodness this took me back to junior high...I had a few melt down days like that myself. Now that I look back on it I know it was anxiety (I still struggle with it now). And being a Mom now I can imagine how difficult it was on my Mom to leave me in the school office crying for her to stay with me. You did such a great job handling it...it is such a hard balance to find I'm sure. You are providing a safety net for him but yet also showing boundaries. I remember one time my Mom let me come home and fixed me my favorite lunch and we just watched TV together. I think it is easy to forget that children get stressed out and need a break sometimes too.

    And P.S...I bought skinny jeans over the weekend! ;)

  18. Spina Bifida wins.....

    I am SURE that our boys do not do this to us to make us crazy, even if it feels that way! They can't control the SB any better than we can :/

    If it give you any comfort, after 3 WEEKS home in kidney failure, Nat FINALLY went back to school today... kicking and SCREAMING the whole way. I NEEDED him to go to school, but man was it TOUGH... SB won in our house this morning too. :(

  19. Oh April, I so appreciate your honest posts, you give such inspiration my dear. Sending you so much love!


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