I just had a one hour stand-off with this cute boy while trying to drop him off at school. Yes, he's cute. Yes, he just got glasses for reading, classwork, TV and anywhere else he decides it makes his vision better. Yes, he melts my heart and actually we haven't had a morning like this is a long time.
I pulled up to school. We were running a bit late. I could feel from his temperament and knowing yesterday was a full day sensory wise for him, that our morning could not be rushed. He hesitantly jumped out of the car and when I started to pull away he ran back to my car and jumped back in before I had time to lock the doors! OK...I was kidding. I would never lock the doors...not when he is barely pulling it together. But we do lock Dave out of the car often, like at stores, and we howl inside the car with laughter thinking it is so funny, while he smirks and says 'Not funny.'
Blake this morning was barely keeping it together. I could tell that he wanted to go to school, but it was just one of those days that crying was easier than pulling it together. Heck, I feel that way sometimes. We chatted about choices and consequences. We chatted about CAN versus CAN'T. After 30 minutes of sitting in the car, he decided to go to class if I would walk him. I told him I wasn't playing any games. I know what he is capable of. Stalling. Having me walk him to class only to fall apart once we get to the door. We got to his classroom and the game playing started. Except, I wasn't in the mood to be played with. So I walked away. He followed and begged to go just sit in the office until he could pull himself together. I was at my breaking point. We walked into the office and I asked if Blake could sit here until he was ready to go into his classroom. He still had big red puffy eyes that had an occasional tear spilling over and was needing to blow his nose.
Our sweet secretary then said, "April, did you get my message? Terry, Blake's aid, is not here today." And then I burst into tears too. So there we were...both of us crying in the school office. I knew that one comment would set us back to uncontrollable crying on a day like today and actually blurted out...'I'll just take him home.' I didn't think he would be able to recover from that one.
But we did and in the end it was decided that I would come back to school twice today and do Blake's toilet needs. I still left him in the office trying to pull himself together to go to class. I'm not sure who won the 'game' today. I'm not sure it matters. It breaks my heart to see him trying so hard to do the right thing, when emotionally he is just spent.
While typing this post I just got a call from the school secretary. Blake is still sitting in the office an hour later. I'll be leaving now to pick him up. He won I guess.
But really does he win or does Spina Bifida win? Maybe when he gets home we will both just sit on the couch and have a good cry.