Bachelorette Re-Cap....finally

I've put off this episode for awhile now.
Ashley's voice is like nails on a chalkboard.
Hope the guys make this episode fun.

What is Ames wearing?
 Adidas sweat pants with a plaid shirt button down flannel shirt?

Hello JP...white v-neck t shirt and jeans.

I love the paper lantern wishes....
still not sold on Constantine.

Since the show is so boring...
maybe I'll tell you a grandpa story.
Constantine reminded me of it when he asked if Ashley would be OK if his grandpa cornered her and asked her crazy questions.
The first time I met Dave's crazy grandpa he asked me if I wanted to see something in his room.
I hesitantly went.
He then started to tell me what nice legs I had.
Long...pretty...{getting a little nervous} then he whipped
out his National Geographic magazines and showed me all the pics of the topless ladies.
Really he was harmless. Old. Senile. Silly.
It sounds more creepy writing it than how it really happened. It was hilarious.
And I was calling for Dave the whole time...my voice getting louder and louder as I laughed.
Dave came to my rescue. I fell in love with Grandpa Floyd. We miss him dearly.
Well that date was uneventful.
Now onto Ben.
Ben's mom is a substitute teacher here in Napa.
Kaia's has had her. Knows her!

Other shows I'm watching right now and loving.
Design Star, Big Brother, Home with Novogratz...first episode tonight baby!

I do feel badly for Ryan. No one on one date.
Until now. Poor JP looks miserable.

Ashley's skirts are getting shorter and shorter.
I think I saw panties when she was getting out of the limo.
Not cool.

Bachelor producers...can you just squeeze the rest of the episodes into one final one so we can get on with a new Bachelor....Mkay? Thanks.

WOW Ben got an early overnighter.
Ames is just a poor dresser.

Lucas and Ames made me laugh out loud!!
Did JP and Ashley not get to kiss.
No JP...don't blow this.

Ack...what color pants is Ames wearing now?
Red/Pink/Dark Rose.
Lucas is growing on me.
Love his answers!

And look at you now...says Ashley to Ames.
To which I respond...'you look like an alien!'
And dress like one too.

Ashley just crawl up on JP's lap and make out with him.
Don't be stupid.
Well the rose will do!

Lucas, I'm not ready for you to go home either.

Ryan is just too cheesy for me.
She is not into him. You can see it in her eyes.
There is not much there.
She's pretty much an open book.

Did Ryan just say...shush?
Water heaters....

Is Ryan going home early?
Oh...he is trying not to cry.
This is sad for him.
See Ryan...less cheese more emotions...
There was just something so sexy about you right then.

Another Cache dress. There is always something cheap about her cocktail attire.
Wow that girl cuts to the chase.
No cocktail party and Rose Ceremony right now.

Who's it going to be....Ames or Lucas?
I can't pick.

Constantine could have gone home. I wouldn't have cared.
I'm just not into long curly hair.
Ames and Lucas are such gentlemen.
Ames is a stellar guy...wish he wasn't odd looking.

Oh...bummer. I was just loving Lucas.
And...she's still a hot mess.

Over and out.
Now it's time to watch my favorite family...The Novogratz Family!!

I don't know if I could actually handle Em as the next Bachelorette.
She kind of has a baby voice....
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  1. Hello April! Just wanted to tell you that I found your blog a bit ago and just love your style! Super fun... :)

  2. Ok seriously, your Bachelorette update is the highlight of my week!! I am sitting here cracking up while the hubs gives me funny looks! Thanks for the laugh. Team JP!!! BTW Ames looks like a twisted Harry Connick Jr.

  3. April, you have the best recaps - hilarious and although I couldn't bare to watch this particular season (snoozefest!) you have me wishing I did (sort of).

  4. I've been waiting for this recap all week! You crack me up. I can't stand Constantine. He needs to go pronto. If Ashley cries one more time I think I may need throw something at the TV.

  5. Good recap! I think the producers should fix Emily up on a date with Bentley for a special episode!! Better viewing than what we have now. Worst. Bachelorette. Ever.

  6. I just found your blog today. And this first post had me laughing out loud! I have to admit to watching episodes online. I find myself saying some very similar things. The pants that Ames wears? Bless his heart.

  7. So, I watched the episode last week wtih 5-6 girlfriends. I just read your recap outloud to my roommate and she said it was like you typed a transcript of our conversation while watching last week!

    LOVE THIS recap.

  8. Interesting side note: Ben is business partners with Michael Benziger.


    And I agree about the long hair. CUT!


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