Due Date.

Today would have been my due date if I was still pregnant. I haven't really thought much about my due date the last 5 months. Every once in awhile...here and there....I would wonder how big I would be or what sex the baby would have been. But when I turned the calendar to September there it was...my due date...penciled in on the 21st.

I probably would have already delivered. Kaia was 1 week early and Blake was 3 weeks early. So I'm pretty sure I would have a babe in my arms by now. I am not overly sad. In July, during Blake's actual baptism, I had this overwhelming feeling that my family was complete. The first time that has ever happened to me. I couldn't really explain it, but I felt happy and content knowing we had baptized our 'baby' of the family. August was the first month we stopped trying for another. But nothing permanently decided yet.

I will be honest, it makes me wonder sometimes -- if I had those feelings in July, why did I get pregnant so easily in January when we turned the growing of our family into our Heavenly Father's hands. I've come to the conclusion that it was probably a test of my faith. It took a lot of faith and unselfishness on my part to turn over something so life changing as to adding another child with two so much older for Heavenly Father to guide us on. And the miscarriage, another growing moment that builds character and gives us experience. I'll take them both no matter how emotionally painful. To share with other women, create bonds and friendships. To continue on the journey of becoming the woman I want to become.

Every once in awhile I yearn for a baby on my chest. Dave yearns for it more than I do, I think. We will see what happens and what feelings transpire in the next few months. Until then, we are just enjoying our family and I smile humbly thinking that I passed a test of faith.

In honor of my due date, I thought I would share the baby names that were on our list....because baby names are always fun. In order of our favs.

Brody Mason
Brock Mason
Riley Mason (nicknamed Ry)

Elsie June
(with a nickname of Elle)
Elle Olivia
Audrey Elle

If you were going to have another baby...or are planning on having another baby...what would you name the babe?

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  1. aw...april, i know how that is...in july when i hit that day of my due date it was tough...i think i was pretty set on meredith for a girl but wasn't sure on a middle name yet. we were tossing around a lot of names for boys - edward john, jr. and then some other ones that we liked as well that, funny enough, i can't remember now! HA! hopefully we'll get to use them someday...still trying, still going through treatments...only He knows whether it will happen or not and i'm ok with that...whatever He decides is ok...


  2. I'm with you completely right now...this is me reaching out with a hand to hold. Our due date was Aug 23. Her name would have been Hadley Grace. Thoughts make their way through my mind now and then about all the what if's and how's, but I quickly remind myself that He has it all in His hands. The desire for one more is in my heart and is pounding harder and harder with each day that passes by. I have faith in Him that if it's meant for us to have another than He will bless us.

    I love your attitude though. Reach out and touch the lifes of other women that are having the trouble in understanding that He's there for them through this unbearable pain.

    God Bless you!!!

  3. For a girl I would use the girl name I had chosen for both times I was pregnant: Shelby Rose. For a boy: Levi Aaron. Thanks for sharing with us.

  4. I love your name picks, they are perfect and maybe some day, you will get to use one! I have hope! Oh and I love the name Sophia, Molly and Noah! I already have a Riley and Sydney, two girls so maybe we'd have a little boy.

  5. The Lord will always provide. Albeit learning experiences, humbling experiences, shelter, food, clothing... He always provides. While we don't always see the lessons it's important to try. I'm proud of you for seeing the lesson and for learning from it. As hard as it's been.

    hugs always,

  6. I don't remember when or how I got here, but I've been reading since just before your miscarriage. I was sad for you then, and I'm sad for you again today ... but so heartened to hear that you're doing well despite (or because of?) the significance of the day.

    We have three sons (7, 5 and 2), and if we had another boy, I don't know what name we would use. We're plum out of boy names we can agree on! If we had a girl, I think we'd go with Amelia Grayson. (My husband's name is Grayson.)

  7. I loved hearing about your "complete family" story in person. You had a really confidant glow come over you. And that puts you in a great place to receive any blessing that comes your way-- whether it be the happy 4 of you, or a future addition to the family. You're a strong woman, and I admire that!

    Future boy name (because I know we'll have another boy at some point) is Aksel Ward Johnson. Aksel (yes, pronounced Axle) makes a lot of people squirm. But in Scandinavia, it's super popular. And we're continuing the Danish trend. So there you have it.

  8. I keep finding it so amazing how the cycle of life becomes so EVIDENT as we get older....and older. And yet, as it becomes clearer and evident, it becomes blurry and confusing all at the same time.

    Not understanding a lesson while it's being taught can be the most frustrating and infuriating thing to experience. I think that gets magnified when it's a lesson in love, babies, and family.

    We barely agreed on our three babies' names. I have no idea what another child would become. Frick? Frack? The thought of naming another baby makes me tired and angry with Hubs. I'll just reflect on your choices and smile. :)

  9. Just came across your blog from the pleated poppy. In love with it!!! Just spent the last 30 minutes flipping through your old posts :) so fun!

    So sorry you lost a little one. Love the names that you had picked out. :)

    We have a little guy coming in march and we've chosen Cade. If it was he was a girl I was voting for Elle as well! Isn't it such a pretty little name?! :)

    Following your blog! :)


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