8.06.2010

My Thoughts Today.

Body,
Empty,
Spirit Gone.


Missing,
Crying,
Freedom Won!


Saying goodbye last night to my brother's physical body was difficult. I barely left his side. I couldn't. I am going to miss that physical part of him. His upturned corner smile, his raised eyebrows, feeling his right arm rest on my back and him holding it there for a while when he hugged me. I was not ready to stop taking care of him. Helping him. Trying to make him laugh and helping him to continue to live. I believe that was what he wanted. He never gave up. We gave him permission from time to time but that wasn't what he wanted.


I believe that Jason was never ready to die. He was not afraid to die, but I believe very strongly that his spirit never gave up. That instead of willingly letting his spirit go he waited until his body let go. Until his body couldn't take one more breath. While he was tired of fighting a good fight and probably irritated to no end that his body didn't do what he wanted it to do he was not going to leave his earthly life before he had to. He did not want to leave his little family, his children.


Last night he looked so peaceful as his body slept and his spirit floated free. At the end of our visitation, I felt the sweetest spirit of peace. I am trying to remember that feeling today. A day that will be very difficult for me as I try to remember that our physical bodies are just for this earthly life and that he needs his body no more.


A celebration of Jason's life is scheduled tomorrow, Saturday, at 11 am at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 2590 Trower Ave., Napa, CA. All are welcome. Click HERE for a link to his obituary.

love,
me

10 comments:

  1. My condolences to you and your family. your brother seems like an amazing soul. I am sure he will be happy and at peace in Heaven.

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  2. April, hugs to you... I know that you will need as many as you can get in the upcoming days. Prayers to your family and to Jason's wife and children.

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  3. Thinking and praying for you and your family April. Hang in there!

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  4. Praying that the love and support of so many surrounding your family today will be a comfort.

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  5. April...thank you for being willing to share this experience with us, as well as all the honest, raw, thoughts you have been having. What you are doing through sharing your emotions and knowledge of gospel truths, is strengthening each and every person who reads this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family. <3

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  6. I'm so so very sorry to hear this, April. Thinking of you and your family. Hugs.

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  7. My thoughts are with you at this difficuly time.

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  8. (((hugs))) you were so lucky to have been close to him, honestly. My little brother Jason lives here and I honestly see or talk to him on holidays pretty much only. I can count on one hand honestly how many times I see him a year, so I envy what you shared with your Jason. My sister who now lives out of state we talk on the phone maybe twice a year...cherish those memories you have with him, your lucky to have them.

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