Saying goodbye last night to my brother's physical body was difficult. I barely left his side. I couldn't. I am going to miss that physical part of him. His upturned corner smile, his raised eyebrows, feeling his right arm rest on my back and him holding it there for a while when he hugged me. I was not ready to stop taking care of him. Helping him. Trying to make him laugh and helping him to continue to live. I believe that was what he wanted. He never gave up. We gave him permission from time to time but that wasn't what he wanted.
I believe that Jason was never ready to die. He was not afraid to die, but I believe very strongly that his spirit never gave up. That instead of willingly letting his spirit go he waited until his body let go. Until his body couldn't take one more breath. While he was tired of fighting a good fight and probably irritated to no end that his body didn't do what he wanted it to do he was not going to leave his earthly life before he had to. He did not want to leave his little family, his children.
Last night he looked so peaceful as his body slept and his spirit floated free. At the end of our visitation, I felt the sweetest spirit of peace. I am trying to remember that feeling today. A day that will be very difficult for me as I try to remember that our physical bodies are just for this earthly life and that he needs his body no more.
A celebration of Jason's life is scheduled tomorrow, Saturday, at 11 am at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 2590 Trower Ave., Napa, CA. All are welcome. Click HERE for a link to his obituary.