a little boy that looks so darn cute.....
have us laughing with these funny faces.....
make us a little nervous with the devil horns.....
and within seconds turn to anger with this face....?
Oh yes...he is angry here. Somehow our laughter at his funny faces, turned into embarrassment for him and quickly into anger. We all noticed it immediately and tried to do everything we could to make it right again....but the anger, it was already there. And it is still present. And I am crying over it....sometimes daily. It saddens me, frustrates me and I don't know what to do.
I am at my wits end with this cute little boy. He is dealing with lots going on. I am dealing emotionally with lots going on. Besides being a boy with normal boyish behaviors....he has anger issues. I'm quite certain they stem from the fact that his body doesn't work like he would really like it to. That he hears his mommy always conversing about the issues at hand with him. That he struggles with his anger management and that his temper is flared by his frustration about all of the above. And...maybe...just maybe...Spina Bifida has a little bit to do with it in the sensory/neurological sense.
At the end of his anger fit he usually just breaks down and cries. It is heart wrenching as a mother. I usually hold him tight in a bear hug and that helps calm him. His excuses for the anger fit range from 'he wants a normal body' to random things like 'he hates standing at the door at school waiting for me to come change him while the kids ask why he is standing at the door.'
What I do know is that it is the cause of much contention in our home....and between me and hubs and something needs to change. We have just recently been aggressive with the school in finding a full-time aide on site to take care of his medical needs. I think Blake seeing me often at school and saying good-bye a few times a day is not healthy and not helping the situation. We have also scheduled the school therapist to come talk with Blake about his feelings and how he deals with them. I am praying, at least for me, to have more patience with him and for him to just knock it off! And lastly....I just ordered a copy of this book....
and I am praying that it comes by Thursday. That Dave and I can read it over the weekend. And, that we can enjoy our new little Blake by Friday, January 30th! I mean....that's what the book says....right?!
Until the book arrives and hopefully fixes all our problems {wishful thinking!}....I'll just continue to give him more bear hugs and try not to laugh when he throws an anger fit about another child riding his bike but his excuse for the rage at the end of the fit being 'he doesn't like to stand to be cathed.'
I feel for you both. I hope the book helps. Let us know!
ReplyDeleteIt's good for Blake to get those bear hugs from you. Now here's a bear hug from me to you. Your strength amazes me ~ don't short change yourself.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
WOW! I want you to know that I can relate. My son Joe was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder...it is just one of the many disorders that can come along with Tourette Syndrome. I think you are right, it is a neurological thing, although we can be understanding, we still need to teach them what is acceptable and what is not. TS causes what they term as rages and Joe certainly has them. He can be so volatile and it sounds just like Blake. Sometimes he blames it on his TS and sometimes it is some random thing. It causes so much contention in our home. In regards to my husband, I am always searching for answers and using my husband as a sounding board. He just gets tired of me talking about it and would like to talk about something else. He also isn't as understanding...although he is extremely patient, he has his limits. I know that these children with special needs are dealing with so much...things that we will never understand. I am learning that the mind is an amazing and complex thing and I am realizing that diet affects Joe more than I realize. Food coloring and high fructose corn syrup are big offenders at my house. I see an immediate change in myself and in my children, that is why we follow the Feingold program. I myself have anger issues when I consume them. I don't know if that is a problem for him, but any child that has a sensitive neurological system can be affected by those chemicals. You should do a test and remove all of them for a few days. It is not easy, but if that is a problem you will see a change within a week. I can't tell you how much it helped my daughter. She did poorly in school, suffered from depression, and was full of anger and hated herself and was basically in a "brain fog". As soon as we started the diet she got all her work done in school, no longer suffers from depression, is a 4.0 student and is happy. As soon as she eats one thing off the diet, it is like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. She now follows the diet strictly because she hates how she feels otherwise. Just an idea. Joe is allergic to many things, I am still finding them out. I think those sensitivities is what causes his anger. I put him on a no-yeast diet and removed all of the offending foods and he was so calm. However, he lost a lot of weight so I removed him from the diet. ( I was following the diet under Dr.'s orders) I think my next step will be a cassein free and gluten free diet because I think that is what is causing his rages. email me if you have any question and I can call you if you want more info. Let me know if that book helps.
ReplyDeleteBig big hugs to you. I have no other words for you... other than you are amazing... and so is that adorable little boy.
ReplyDelete{{hugs}}
I know there was no other mother for that sweet little boy than you. You are so amazing. There is no doubt in my mihd that NO ONE else could EVER do all the good you have done for Blake- and will ever do for Blake. You inspire so many... me being at the top of the list.
ReplyDeleteI'm giving YOU a big bear hug....I'm sure especially at the age he's at....all kids want to be a normal as possible...I think you are doing a fabulous job....and I know that the right thing will happen....and help turn it around....I can only imagine.....
ReplyDeleteYou are my role model! truely you are such a great mom. Poor Blake, it really must be so hard for him, he's so blessed to have gotten you for his mommy. He's too cute and his eyes are SOOO awesome! Chin up, I look up to you so much and I know I'm not alone. any ideas for girls? I swear the PMS cycle starts by age 1 HAHAHA j/k love ya!!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there April, Heavenly father loves you.
ReplyDeletesometimes we need to remind ourselves of that fact.
love Jeannie
a really shirt tail relative
(how is it?!? I'm the mother of your father-in-law's sister's daughter-in-law, what the heckever that is!!)
I feel your pain! I have an 8 year old who struggles with daily medical issues brought to us by a surgeon in the fine medical community. He looks totally fine, but his insides don't function like yours or mine and he is REALLY tired of it. He is precious and loving but when he is mad...whatch out. I completely understand the heart-ache as a mom, I have been on the receiving end of his scared, frustrated, anger at lack of control over his body and limiting choices.Ive stood my ground, while my heart is screaming that I understand and I don't want to do this either, as I try to place his NG feeding tube (the one through the nose, I am sure you know what that is but just in case) for the betterment of his health. I have laid awake/driven aimlessly/cried in my shower at the guilt I feel for not being able to make it all better. I feel your pain, and know what it is like to wake up and decide that it is time to fight the system. Good luck! I have a blog that I use to shed my feelings about this portion of daily life. Thank you for sharing with us, I know that it is hard to pull back the "everything is fine" curtain.
ReplyDeletewww.haydenshungry.blogspot.com
I think our boys might be twins....
ReplyDeleteI know it's so hard! But it's kinda nice to see that someone else goes through it too... my frineds all think I am CRAZY!!! :)
Prayer for you and Blake and your whole famiy\ly!!
Oh Gretchen...you don't know how good that makes me feel! I'll let you know if the book works!
ReplyDeletethanks,
april