Rewind 27 years. I am sitting in the center on the front bench seat of our old station wagon decorated with wood grain trim. Not the wood grain trim on the inside, but the wood grain trim on the outside! My mom in the driver seat. My aunt in the passenger seat. We were just leaving Mervyns. I was in the 5th grade, 10 years old. I still believed in Santa...at least while we were in Mervyns, I did. But I had been sitting on the fence. I heard many times the theories of Santa, but I really wanted to believe in that magical part of Christmas. I looked to my mom and said, "Mom, is there really a Santa?" She said, "Do you really want to know?" and I hesitantly shook my head yes.
It was there in the station wagon, parked outside Mervyns that I came to know the true magic of Christmas. I burst out crying. I had been so confused and I think part of the crying was relief from the torment I had been feeling that lead up to asking such a loaded question. My mom let me be a special "helper" that year. It made Christmas magical for me and special.
Last night Kaia and I took a trip to Target for a few essentials. As we drove out of the court, she slumped down in the heated front leather bucket seat and said, "I'm sitting on the fence again" letting out a huge sigh. I wasn't sure what she was talking about. I figured some boy had "asked her out" again and she was having a hard time saying no. So casually I said, "on the fence about what?" We sat in our car for an hour and half last night talking about her fence sitting problem of to believe or to not believe. She didn't want to look or feel like a fool. As I tried telling her about Santa coming in his sled to deliver presents, she said, "Mom, listen to yourself." I told her that she was in the 6th grade and that I wondered when she would start questioning the magic.
I told her that when I was in 5th grade I asked my mom the same question. Sitting in the front seat of a car. I told her that if she really wanted her question answered all she needed to say was, "Mom, I really want to know....tonight." She thought for a long time and then barely audible, whispered, "Mom, I really want to know.................tonight."
My little girl grew up a little last night. She cried, like I did. And I will offer her the same gift my mom offered me....to be my special helper on a very special night.
There was a funny side to this story too. When we got home from Mervyn's you were walking down the hall to your bedroom and you turned to me and said, "I could understand the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, but Santa was a little far-fetched!" I just looked at you like "are you kidding me?" And suddenly the realization hit you as Im sure I had this strange look on my face, and you quietly said, "Them too?"
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
You're a great story teller and a great mom. I was getting teary over your story, and then I read your mom's comment and I laughed. Crying, and laughing-a great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure being the special helper will be magical in a new way. I honestly don't remember when I stopped believing, I think it was a gradual process/understanding and I do remember helping my parents at some stage although I insisted they fill my stocking when I was out of the room. You have to cling to something ;)
Good story!!! Love your mom's comment as well.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet moment with your daughter. She is growing up, indeed!
ReplyDeleteI'M the one on the fence here. Oh man, what to do? I told a friend today that I may try to stick it out this year unless he comes home asking and concerned. Tough thing to think about.
ReplyDeleteWow. This was a wonderful post. What a special night.
ReplyDeleteThere is a special spirit that goes along with Santa Claus that is important to Christmas. Find the book called "I Believe in Santa Claus" and read it with Kaia and Blake. It is one of my favorite books.
ReplyDeleteyour post was very touching, but your mom's comment was awesome! hope we get to see you soon.
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ReplyDeleteomg- i just cried for you! what a tough day for mommy and daughter. you've passed a torch, she's taken a step toward adulthood. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteoh boy this post had me tearing up. And your mothers post is great! you must have been a really funny child.
ReplyDeleteohhh, sad:( I'm not looking forward to conversations like these with my little people. Love how you handled it.
ReplyDeleteI'm teary reading this as I know it is coming around the corner for my son too. Your mom's comment made me lol though! Great post
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